Love your inner chaos

Why would you love your inner chaos? When chaos hits, the world falls on your head and life is not at all what you knew it to be, your emotions and cognitive abilities go awry. Survival mode kicks in. It is the here and now that counts. As they should be when a crisis hit. Your capacity for forward-thinking and planning is hampered. You forget. You struggle to make sense of things and very quickly you can end up feeling inadequate and lost. These are not at all good feelings so why would you even want to consider loving your inner chaos?

The short version is that your inner chaos reminds you that:

1. You are normal for having them
2. You are alive and kicking
3. You are in a life transition

What’s to love?

While being in the midst of it, there does not seem to be lots to love about it at all. Coming out on the other side, there is a lot. New insights, new awareness, knowing yourself better, having more empathy and a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you are some of the gifts.

I get it, you’d rather be without potential future insight than having to go through pain and sadness, feeling lost and alone. You’re just about done with it and sick of not finding yourself, or the “You”, you used to be. Longing for easier days or just a break instead of always ending up struggling whatever way you turn.

Alone or with support?

Going through all that alone is hard and makes the path unnecessary long and lonely. You will need to reach out and get support, perspectives, love, and help. You will need a new narrative and a new story. That is really, really hard to do on your own. We need innovative collaboration with others to course correct and heal. We grow and thrive when we are in healthy, loving relationships with others. Your inner dialogue will change, but it has to be on your terms and in your own time.

Advice is useless

Our world is quick with giving advice and great solutions when chaos and crisis hit. Well intended, but absolutely useless. Only you know what you need. Be that by trial and error or sheer luck – you will find out what you need. What you do not need is advice and people telling you what to do based on their needs. However well-intended, the effect of advice has us feel small, inadequate and not listened to. A warm meal and a helping hand go way longer than advice.

Comfort, care, patience, and love

Here is what does help when your world is turned upside down, wrung inside out:

Comfort, care, patience, and love. Someone who listens to you.  A hand holding yours. A loving hug. Being together, sometimes in silence, sometimes with words. Sometimes just walking next to you as you go through your own personal hell. Being a witness, creating a bridge from where you are to the next place where it feels a little safer, a little more solid. Practical help. Sometimes the golden gift of someone who sees what is needed without being asked. A reminder that you are magnificent, unique and wonderful. Particularly when you don’t feel magnificent.

Reach out

You may need to reach out and tell people what you need. They may not know or understand. The only way for them to understand is by you asking for what you need. Again and again. Do not give up. Next time it is you walking next to someone who needs your experience, your silence and that you care.

A hero’s journey

Going through it and coming out on the other side, you will have taken a hero’s journey. You will have fought battles, been tested, won and succeeded and come back changed and transformed. You will know yourself better. Your inner chaos will have transformed into insight and wisdom.

Along the way, you will have picked up new gifts and found new friends. Some of your old friends may have been left behind. They will have their own path to travel. You will stand taller in who you are and who you have become. You will have learned to love your inner chaos and will meet the world with new layers of compassion and understanding, creating a difference for people you meet along your way.

Love your inner chaos as it is the key to your transformation.