A theme on LinkedIn lately, and something that also surfaces in my coaching sessions as well as in the Empowering Leadership research, is the quiet responsibility that often falls on women.
As a new year begins, many of us take stock by setting new year’s resolutions – as if that magically will help us reduce stress, set better boundaries, be more active, or reduce mental overload. In short, live and lead a better life at work and at home.
If only it was that simple…
New year’s resolutions are at best wishful thinking and at worst can increase the mental load by adding unneeded pressure. Especially for women in leadership.
Invisible expectations. Unspoken workload. Pressure to carry emotional and relational labour. These patterns run deep in the organizational system and shape how we work.
It runs like a quiet undercurrent of responsibility at work and at home. A systemic pattern that is cemented into the culture.
A slow burn, a silent load building over time until it’s enough. What is ‘enough’ is what we know as mental overload, a combination of emotional labour, relational holding, and the subtle pressure to be both steady and accommodating. When this responsibility becomes a default pattern of expectations, rather than a conscious choice, it creates boundary fatigue, decision fatigue, and a slow drift toward exhaustion. For many women, it is an accumulation of invisible work, responsibility creep, and constant internal vigilance that slowly leads to burnout. Naming it is the first step toward shifting it.
What the Research Shows
In 2021 research by Dean, Churchill & Ruppanner, in The mental load: building a deeper theoretical understanding, they argue “that the mental load is a combination of cognitive and emotional labor and it is this combination that makes the mental work a load.”
Their findings show that the way the mental load operates within families and society has three characteristics:
- It is invisible in that it is enacted internally yet results in a range of unpaid, physical labor
- It is boundaryless in that it can be brought to work and into leisure and sleep time
- It is enduring in that it is never complete because it is tied to caring for loved ones which is constant
The Impact Over Time
Over time, it impacts focus, confidence, recovery ability, and leadership resilience. It settles into the body as well as the mind, shaping capacity in ways that are not immediately visible. This impacts women more than men, but the way forward towards improved dynamics and better solutions belongs to both men and women.
At team level, this mental load often shows up in subtle ways: who holds relational tension, who remembers what needs follow-up, who smooths over friction, and who carries responsibility beyond their formal role. Over time, this affects team dynamics, team effectiveness, and the sustainability of leadership teams.
These are some of the layers we work with in c-momentum, across leadership development, team development, and team coaching. The cost of mental overload runs deep and is multi-faceted, but not always easily spotted on the bottom line. However, when we recognize, name, and understand mental load, we create leadership cultures and organizational cultures that support continuity, balance, wellbeing, and whole lives. And that does show on the bottom line.
A Few Questions to Sit With
- What responsibilities do you take for granted are yours to carry at work, in your role or in your team?
- Where do you experience the win, and where do you pay the cost, personally and systemically?
- What is it time to say no to, or bring attention to?