8 March. International Women’s Day. What does this day mean to you? Are you aware of the privileges you have, or do you feel stretched thin? Or maybe both? We still need more women at the top, but women hold back. Why?
“I feel useless, distrusted and like I have wasted my time for a good half year. I also feel stupid because now I have to go back on my word, I have to clean up other people’s mess, and yes, I feel stupid. And undervalued.”
It hurts when what you’ve been working towards, put your heart and soul into, stayed long days and done your best – and then some – falls to pieces.
It feels like you are coming up short on both your professional and personal self. Know the feeling?
Unfortunately, it is part of life, our work-life for sure. Can’t be avoided to a certain degree. We are told to not take it personally. All well and fine, but there is a balancing act here. To do a good job, to perform well, we have to be invested. Personally invested. Through our thinking, choice, value and behavior. To perform at the very peak of excellence we need to be invested all the way.
You’ve given it your best. And it all falls flat. You judge yourself. The inner critic works overtime. You take a step back and assess.
The Assessment
Men and women do this assessment differently. Men tend to assess the circumstances, women tend to assess themselves.
Both come up with useful information but both are left with half the picture.
Both could do with a dose of what the other does.
Partially this is one of the reasons we don’t have more women at the top. The self assessment run by your worst enemy, the inner critic, is rarely the recipe for advancement. Instead it leaves most of us disappointed and depleted.
What Runs Beneath It
We need to look at what is happening from a different perspective. Why are we so harsh and critical when we fail? What runs below, hidden in the undercurrent of a critical inner voice?
It is called the good girl conditioning and it directly impacts women’s advancement. It is part of the explanation for why it is harder for women to climb the leadership ladder. Short answer is that the good girl conditioning has women miss the first step on the ladder making them either have to stretch way more than men, drop it and stay where they are or futilely attempt to find ways past. Those who make it may have longer legs in the ways of stellar self belief and confidence, a support system, leaders who believe in them, goals, a clear commitment and a plan.
As with all else in life you need to know where you are going to have a chance to get there.
This Is Where Data Becomes Interesting
For every 100 men promoted to manager, 81 women are. That gap sounds almost manageable in isolation. It isn’t.
Start with 100 men and 100 women at entry level. After that first promotion, you already have fewer women in the pool — 100 male managers, 81 female. Apply that ratio at every level. By the time you reach the top, women hold 29% of leadership positions.
Women now outperform men in higher education. Yet only 29.5% of tertiary-educated senior managers are women globally. The pipeline is full, but something breaks between the degree and the door.
The gap doesn’t close as you climb. It compounds. Because you’re always drawing from a smaller pool.
Two Points in Six Years
It has barely moved since 2018 when the numbers were 79 women per 100 men. Six years of initiatives, programmes, training and conversations had moved it to 81. Two points. The WEF’s 2025 Global Gender Gap Report adds to this: the share of women in top management rose from 25.7% to 28.1% between 2015 and 2024, but progress has slowed since 2022.
For women of colour the numbers are harder still. 54 Black women and 65 Latina women promoted for every 100 men. In 2024, Black women’s statistics moved backward to 2020 levels. Latinas experienced their worst year on record.
The path to parity for white women is projected at 22 years. For women of colour, more than twice that.
And then we ask why are there not more women at the very top? All the research on this does not seem to have made the difference we need.
I’ve been sitting with this for a while. How do I write about it without sounding like I make women victims and men villains? Without sounding fluffy or like I’m storming the barricade? I sense the world is tired of hearing about it, yet this is what I encounter every single day in my coaching conversations when talking with women. Coaching men, the conversations are different. They do not have the same challenges, so does not need to spend time on it.
What strikes me is that so often when women are on the receiving end of really poor leadership they blame themselves. It’s got to stop. No more ‘I could have prepared more’, ‘I caught him at a bad moment’, ‘he doesn’t like it when I push back.’ Fill in your version.
Do Women Want Too Much?
The other day I came across a post on LinkedIn asking ‘Do women want too much?’
Do we? Do we want to have it all and then some? Of course! Why not?
But we forget that we live in a world that is built on patriarchy with rules that plays its own game. Some of the rules we know about others are well hidden. Norway ranks third in the world for gender equality. Third. And we are still having this conversation. That should tell us something about how deep the structures run. When we cannot have it all we blame men, the system, the world and most of all ourselves. I hold that we can have it all, but it requires a change. Currently, to have it all we tolerate, we carry the burden, we downplay our needs, we opt out, we burn out.
Women are 55% more likely than men to take career breaks, and for almost six months longer on average. Largely due to parenting. The system calls this a choice.
But hey, there are so many women who make it to the top. What about them? Clearly if some can make it all can. Of course there is no one rule fit all. Women are as diverse as men, some will break through, but many will not and here is where the broken rung numbers live. The group of women making it to the top continue to be smaller and smaller.
What To Do Instead
So next time you find yourself exasperated and fed up with not being valued, blaming yourself and others right and left, trying to break through an invisible fog, stop. Just stop. Stop turning the blame inward and do not engage in a self-criticising party. Take a step back and ask yourself how you want to show up. What would unapologetic leadership look like on your terms?
Then act.
Sources
McKinsey Women in the Workplace 2024: https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/women-in-the-workplace-2024
LeanIn.org Women in the Workplace: https://leanin.org/women-in-the-workplace
WEF Global Gender Gap Report 2025: https://www.weforum.org/publications/global-gender-gap-report-2025/digest/